The Title of Master Blogger Should be Considered a Crime Against Humanity

I was going to hold your hand, write in small sentences, and break down every thought into little itty bitty sentences so you can understand how wrong you are to read blogs, but my plan fell apart when I came across the term “Master Blogger.” Upon further investigation, it appears that there is a set of criteria to be a “Master Blogger” that I care not to regurgitate. Who has the time to constantly post up on their site, whimsically contemplating the plans for the weekend or why we are at war? Who wants to read someone’s thoughts about whatever hot topic is on the news? Before you point a finger at this blog, I will clarify (and I know you won’t even grasp a very small percentage of what I am going to explain to you): this blog is a farce. It is a message warning about the evils of the medium it is written in, and we all know how proud you must be to have thought of that but, as always, you’ve missed the point entirely. Why not just buy a bag full of jellybeans, hold the bag out in front of you, and then jump off the highest building in your area (I know the blog reader enjoys colors so why not look at some colors while doing the right thing and ending your pathetic existence). To title someone “Master Blogger” is to only give validity to a valueless system of communication. What pride is there in being a “Master Blogger?” Can “Master Blogger"’s brag of their title on a resume or business card? And what idiot cannot talk or write nonstop on his or her feelings concerning whatever mild thought may meander into their heads? The title is insulting to humanity and anyone even knowing a “Master Blogger" should be rounded up, stuffed into a burlap sack, and tossed into the nearest body of water. Please do not go NEAR anyone with the title “Master Blogger” without a scythe or chain-saw. And stop reading blogs.