Blogs are Pointless

Are you kidding me? Are you out of your god forsaken mind? What the hell is wrong with you? You're reading someone's blog. Maybe you think this is funny, or outrageous, or inflammatory, or whatever pathetic poorly educated thought might be wandering across the wide expanse of your mind; but no my uninformed reader, you are reading a blog. A personal journal where average Joe's, American drinking beer from a can, proud of wall panelling, having a crush on rock stars or worried about the price of oil, conspiracy believing, gullible, dull witted and closed minded American, can tell you, the same exact person no matter how hard you try, what he or she thinks about whatever is on network news. Is this all you have to do on the internet? I have some links on the side of the page here, some places for you to go to without wasting precious time picking though someone’s unorganized thoughts. Most of the time people post up about the “war” or about their job- don’t you already have opinions on these things? Yes or no, I hate the “war” and/or “job.” Tell you what, instead of continuing to rant away, it’s painfully obvious that you (oh stupid reader, oh poster children for abortion) think this is terribly funny or witty or stupid- guess what, I don’t care. And yes, before the small spark of electricity that you call “intelligence” fires in your head and you think “But isn’t this blog about how blogs suck still a blog? And isn’t that going against the very spirit of the writer?” (and I am assuming a lot, considering that you- mucking around in the sewers of thought- can think a sentence without having to write it out and not confuse yourself with the repetition of the word “blog”), before that thought gurgles out of the toilet that you call a mouth, I would like to stop you (if only to prevent hearing you pontificate on such a point which, by the way, would out of sheer embarrassment for the speaker would churn the bowels of the dimmest dolphin, who, with better social skills than you on his worst day of accidentally calling a shrimp a trout and being excommunicated from the group in a barrage of squeaking insults, would swim into the first net and happily be ground up in Cosco tuna). I’m using this blog as an example, which will inevitably be lost on the reader who has the television on in the background or is planning how to move up in their job on the assembly line or in the deli. Oh, are that too many parentheticals or commas? I’m sure I’ve lost even the most base reader here, having not used “fuk” or “cock” enough, but still, it is extremely cathartic to suggest to you, my captive audience, regardless if you’ve even made it this far through the public school english system to even grasp the basic premise here, that a good portion of the world is water, and if you read blogs you should quickly find your way to one of the many vast oceans and drown.