A Blog Reader is a Stupid Reader

Are you that stupid? Honestly? I want you to sit, and think, am I this stupid? To start with, you can't read a sentence that's longer than ten words. Ten. Just turn away right now. It's sad, because most of the readers have just turned away, cursing at their computer screen at what an asshole this poster must be, but deep down, they can’t read a sentence longer than ten words. Why can’t you read? I understand that it must take you years to wade through the latest Harry Potter, if you can even get past the pretty colors on the dust jacket. Again, I am assuming that you know what a dust jacket is, which, after such a grave error in judgement, makes me look foolish. Regardless, the effort it takes to read a sentence that has a comma, or, god forbid, words bracketed by a “(“”)” could power a mid sized Nebraska city. Blogs, with the exception of this one, offer short sentences, mostly about a job that sucks or someone’s attempt to get a job that doesn’t suck, or about some vague political movement that no one outside of that specific group and the group’s nemesis would read. These short sentences and small ideas can be easily digested by American audiences, who often mistake the opinions of a blog as truth (Please see the News Blog Phenomena post- to follow). So reading is fairly optional, especially when a blogger can post pictures (this blog site brags easy postings) and so the blog catches on. “Pandering.” Look it up (try google if you’re confused (define:pander in the search field). People who think that aliens come down and probe people go to the blogs of people who think that aliens come down and probe people and all of a sudden its true! Or a reporter from the LA Times (we also call it “toilet paper”) thinks that there aren’t enough stories about XYZ and all of a sudden XYZ is big news (XYZ turned out to be freeway shootings, which were reported as epidemic in 2005 even though statistically they were lower than 2004). And then people post up about the post. Who in their right mind wants to read someone’s uneducated opinion on someone’s uneducated opinion? You. Thankfully, I’ve loaded the first few sentences with a few insults, and then followed it with a ton of commas so hopefully I’ve lost most of my readers. If you’ve gotten this far, there might be a chance that you’re a masochist, bored, or incredibly stupid. I’m still voting for stupid. So, my dense reader, I once again beg for you to stop reading blogs and pick up a book. Even if it’s Harry Potter, read someone’s ideas who are well formed, well researched, and have some sort of business in putting words on a page. I still suggest reading the remaining posts in a full bath.